• Paul Radkowski

Codependence & Relationship Balance

In my practice I come across a lot of relationship problems. People need advice on how to forgive a person, how to move on from their relationship, and how to be in a heather relationship.

Which of the following is most reflective of your relationship?

A: A-frame relationships are symbolized by the capital letter A.

You and your partner have a strong coupled identity and feel more confident and have more self-esteem when you're together. You think of yourselves as a unit rather than separate individuals.

H: H-frame relationships are structured like the capital H.

You and your partner stand virtually alone, you are each self-sufficient and neither is influenced much by the other.

M: M-frame relationships rest on interdependence like the capital M.

You and your partner have high self-esteem and are committed to helping each other grow. You both could stand on your own, but you choose to be together.

Characteristics of A H M relationships

A: In this type of relationship like the long lines in the letter A, partners lean on one another. The relationship is structured so that if one lets go, the other falls, And that is exactly what happens when one partner outgrows their dependency on the other.

H: In this relationship there is little or no couple identity and little emotional connection. If one lets go, the other hardly feels a thing.

M: This relationship involves mutual influence and emotional support. M-frame relationships exhibit a meaningful couple identity. If one lets go, the other feels a loss but recovers balance. In an interdependent marriage, joy is doubled and sorrow is cut in half.”

Self-reflect, ask yourself...
  • What does my relational pattern look like?

  • I'm I more interdependent than codependent in my relationships?

  • What’s one thing I can do differently to help balance my relationship?


Three tips to add relationship balance:

  • Increase the time spent with yourself. Self-love should always come first in every relationship. Because once a person doesn’t love themselves, all kinds of negativity and insecurity will sink in and will eventually lead to doubts and jealousy.

  • Grow into the best version of yourself together with your partner. You can start by taking small steps like taking good care of your health by exercising together. This helps you get out of rut of always turning to Netflix when you’re together, while also helping you to reduce stress and burnout.

  • Celebrate each other’s uniqueness. Allow your partner to pursue their personal interests and goals, to be with their friends without restriction. Trust should always be present and should always be the foundation of the relationship. Each of you have dreams and goals that can be fulfilled by supporting each other.